Secret Valentine
by GhostieWinchester
Summary: "God and love work in mysterious ways..."      You wouldn't think that angels could get communications from humans.  Not tangible ones.  And definitely not Valentines.
1. Hope It's Not For Nothing At All

A crowded sidewalk on a busy afternoon. Crowds of people made their way down the stretch of concrete, all going in the same direction, though not all headed for the same destination. Even so, they walked in the same direction.

Save one.

One man was walking in the opposite direction from the rest of the crowd members. He walked swiftly, and directly through the center of the swarm of bodies, much to the dismay of the crowd members he bumped against.

He didn't look up as he made his way through the throng, even when someone he bumped swore in his direction. He stared down at his outstretched hands, his dark brows furrowing over his bright, blue eyes. His thin, pale lips formed a thin line as he focused, not on his hands themselves, but on what he carried in them.

A small, pale, creased piece of paper. The edges were torn and the face of the page was creased many times, as if it were constantly being folded and re-folded. The creases made a rough, criss-crossed pattern over the inked markings that adorned the page. AS another stranger's shoulder connected with his collarbone, the man removed one hand from beneath the paper, reaching out with his index finger and running it over the markings gently. His eyes clouded over as he read them once more. Though he understood their meaning, he was unsure of how they applied to him in anyway. Or what they could mean for him.

_Castiel,___

_This will be my last note. I only hope that you will try to find me. I feel such a connection to you.___

_In fact, I feel as though I may love you.___

_Please, if you feel the same at all, let me know. Someway. Somehow.___

_As always, if you would like to find me:___

_134576 East Ave. APT. 496__  
><em>_New York___

_I hope that you __do__ wish to visit me, Cas. Because I have the deepest want to meet you.___

_Love always,___

_Lydia_

Castiel finished reading the short note and ran his free hand through his short, dark hair. Confusion was evident in his face as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, inspiring groans of annoyance from those around him. He paid them no mind.

Instead, he reached into the deep pocket of his tan trench-coat, feeling around slowly until his fingertips brushed against what felt unmistakably like small pieces of paper. He grasped one between his thumb and index finger and pulled it out of his pocket slowly. He brought it out and placed it over the note he had just finished. As the grumbling crowd members parted to get around him, he placed a finger over this older, more worn note and began to read the marks upon the page, turning the words over in his head as he did.

_Castiel,___

_A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.  
><em>_~ Stendhal___

_Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.  
><em>_~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld___

_Many would try to discredit these quotes or speak against them. But I believe they are true.__  
><em>_They are true for me, at least.__  
><em>_For I love someone whom I have never met face to face.__  
><em>_I feel my heartstrings tugged toward someone who is out of my reach.__  
><em>_I do not know why this is, or how this happened.__  
><em>_But I hope that, in time, all will be revealed to both you and me.__  
><em>_And I hope that you do not find me too terribly strange.__  
><em>_I hope that you can come to love me, as I love you.___

_Lydia_

He was as puzzled now as he had been then, when he had received the first note a month ago. He thought back to that moment. When he had received the first of these strange notes. When everything had started.


	2. Brace Yourself For Love

[i]Castiel wasn't quite sure what he was staring at. It was a piece of paper. Of that much, he was certain. And it had markings, words, inked onto its smooth face in neat, legible strokes. He could clearly make out the words upon the page.

What Cas was not certain of, was what the piece of paper [b]actually[/b] was. Was it a letter? Was it a… a joke of some sort? He had often witnessed Dean playing some obscure or obscene joke on Sam, but it was Cas' understanding that these jokes always ended in some unexplainable pleasure for Dean and pain or anger for Sam.

And Castiel certainly wasn't in pain. Nor was anyone laughing at him. He squinted down at the page, his lips pursing as he leaned closer to the paper, which lay flat atop the smooth top of a table. He leaned closer, and closer still, until the words upon the page began to blur and his nose nearly touched the page.

He still didn't know what it was.

A cough from across the table drew his attention. Cas sat up slowly, pulling himself up straight and staring over the table and across the room. Leaning against the dingy, beige, wallpapered wall, was Dean Winchester. He glared at Cas from beneath his fully lashed eyelids, his arms crossed in front of his chest. Castiel studied him quietly for a moment. The impatient look in Dean's hazel eyes told Castiel that he must have asked a question. But Cas hadn't heard him say anything. He swallowed once before addressing Dean.

"Yes, Dean? You are in need of something?" He cocked his head to the side slightly, awaiting Dean's response.

"Yeah, Cas. I'm 'in need of something'." Dean rolled his eyes, impatience thick in his deep voice. "I asked you what you're looking at. About [b]five minutes ago[/b]."

"Oh." Castiel cast a quick glance down at the page before answering. "I am… Not sure."

Dean arched an eyebrow. He pushed himself away from the wall and made his way to the table, running a hand through his short, light brown hair as he did.

"You don't know? How do you [b]not[/b] know, Cas?" He laughed sarcastically pulled out the chair to Cas' left, pulling it over and turning it around so he could look as well.

Cas pushed the paper closer to Dean so he could get a better look. He watched as Dean's eyes scanned the page. For some time, his eyes remained emotionless. There was a slight pull at the corner of his mouth, but nothing more. Cas sat quietly, waiting for Dean to finish. Waiting for him to tell him what this strange note was.

As he came to the end of the page, a drastic change came over Dean's features. His mouth stretched into a small grin, and then a full, toothy smile. His eyes crinkled around the edges and he began to make short [b]chuffing[/b] sounds, as if he were holding in laughter. Cas was confused by this turn of events and leaned toward Dean, eagerly waiting for him to speak.

When he finished, Dean turned to face Castiel, amusement and mischief in his eyes. Cas' eyes widened in confusion. Dean let out a loud laugh and slapped Cas once on the back.

"Well, congrats, Cas," he began laughing even harder as Cas' face registered shock and confusion. "Looks like you got yourself a valentine." He tossed the piece of paper into the middle of the table and stood up, laughing as he made his way across the room to the couch.

Cas felt his brow furrow once more. He looked at the note, then back at Dean, who was lying on the couch with one hand in front of his mouth, trying to control his laughter.

"A 'valentine'? I am confused." Cas heard Dean groan in annoyance, followed by a light chuckle from the opposite end of the room.

Cas swiveled in his seat to face the source of the chuckle. Sam Winchester sat on the wide sill of the motel room's one window, his computer on his lap and his fingers typing vigorously away on the keyboard. He looked up, flicking his long, brown locks from his face before giving Cas a sympathetic grin.

"A valentine is like a love note, Cas." He smiled broadly and tried not to laugh himself.

Cas stared at Sam for a moment. He could feel his own eyebrows arching in surprise. [b]A love note?[/b]

"How is that possible?" Cas turned back to the note, taking it in his hands and turning it over.

He heard the sound of a large object being set on wood followed by the [b]creak[/b] of the floorboards and the sound of Sam's heavy footsteps. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked to his right to see Sam leaning forward, staring at the note curiously. He reached out his open palm and Cas handed him the note. Sam straightened read the note thoughtfully. When he was done, he handed it back to Cas.

"Cas, where did this come from?" He turned Dean's chair around and sat down, leaning forward and studying Cas' face.

"It was on the doorstep. I found it there this morning. When you were out and Dean was still asleep." He responded, puzzled as to why the note's origin was an important factor.

Sam's brow furrowed and his lips pulled together. He turned to look over his shoulder at Dean, as if he were going to ask his brother's opinion. But Dean was already asleep, in the same position, on the couch. Sam shook his head and turned back to Cas, searching for something to say to help him understand the situation. Not that [b]Sam[/b] really understood the situation.

"Cas…" He stopped and sighed, mentally changing his words before continuing. Castiel listened intently. "This whole love note thing is… strange, to say the least. I think it might be best if you just throw it out. And if anymore come, throw those out too. This could be a trick, or a trap or something. So just, forget about it and don't pick up anymore, if you find them."

He reached out and patted Cas on the shoulder, a half smile on his lips.

Castiel thought for a moment, taking in all of this new information before speaking.

"Alright. If you believe it to be a trap, I will not pick up anymore." Sam nodded, his smile growing broader, and stood up to return to his place on the windowsill. Cas held a hand out to stop him.

"But what do you wish for me to do with the other twenty-five notes I have received?"

Sam took a step back, causing his leg to bump the chair. It scraped across the floor with a [b]screech[/b]. Dean snorted from the couch and sat up abruptly, turning to glare at Cas.

"What the hell?" He stood and made his way back to the table. "What are you too ass clowns doing? You interrupted a hell of a dream…"

Sam held a hand out to silence Dean. He stared at Cas warily. Castiel stared up into Sam's eyes, wondering why the other twenty-five notes had caused such a reaction.

"Twenty-five notes, Cas?"

Castiel nodded and dug deep into the pocket of his coat, producing twenty-five other small, folded pieces of paper. All identical in size and color to the one on the table. And with [b]Castiel[/b] scrawled on the front in the same handwriting.

"I have received one every day, at the same time, for the past twenty-six days."

He pulled one out of the bottom of the wad of papers and held it out to Sam. Sam took it and opened it. It looked as if it had been folded and re-folded a thousand times over.

"Why didn't you tell us about this, Cas?" Dean asked indignantly from his place behind Sam.

"I did not think it was of import." Castiel shrugged, turning his head slightly to look at Dean.

"Not of import?" Dean sputtered, throwing his hands into the air angrily. "You get some mysterious notes and you don't think that that piece of information is [b]of import[/b]."

"Dean." Sam sighed and cast a dark look at his brother. Dean fell silent.

Sam refolded the note and handed it back to Castiel. Cas stared at the note for a long time before taking it.

"Cas, why did you keep all of these from us for so long?" Sam asked quietly. "We could have helped you put a stop to it before it got this far."

Castiel thought for a moment, turning the note over in his hands as he did.

"I… Enjoyed reading the words. Although I did not understand how or why they pertained to me. It made me feel…" He searched for the proper word. "… [b]wanted[/b]. I have read them over and over again, for that very reason."

Sam shot a worried look at Dean, who stood with his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide. Castiel glanced up at them both before looking down and unfolding the note.

"I suppose I still do not understand. Not entirely." He looked back at Sam. "What do I do?"

Sam and Dean exchanged a glance.

"Well, Cas…"

"You throw these bastards in the fire, burn 'em, and then get the hell out of dodge." Dean grunted, interrupting Sam.

Sam rolled his eyes in annoyance and opened his mouth to voice his opinion. This time, Castiel interrupted him.

"I think I would like to find her, this woman." His voice was thoughtful and he stared off at the wall behind Sam. "I would like to ask her why she is targeting me. And how she knows who I am."

Sam stared at Cas in shock, his mouth still open. The words still on the tip of his tongue. He blinked vigorously and shook his head, trying to pull himself out of shock.

"Cas, I really think this could be a trap. Just, try to forget about it. Please?" Sam searched Cas' face, his eyes pleading. Castiel sighed.

"I suppose you are right, Sam." He returned the notes to his pocket as he spoke, reaching out and retrieving the most recent one from its place on the table. "It is… much safer if I just treat this like a trap." Even as he spoke the words, Castiel didn't believe them.

He rose from his chair slowly. He walked past the astonished Sam and toward the motel room door. Dean watched him with a surprised look on his face. Castiel paused for a moment, with his hand on the doorknob.

"Cas, where are you going?" Sam called out, warily.

Castiel turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. He took a step out into the bright daylight.

"I am going to get rid of the letters." He answered, without turning around.[/i]

That had not been a lie.

But it had not been the complete truth.


	3. Nervous And Shy For The Moment

Castiel found himself staring up at the brick façade of a large apartment building. He stood on the sidewalk in front of the building's front steps and held the note out glancing at it then up at the bronze plaque beside the building's doors.

[i] 134576 East Avenue[/i]

He had found it. Lydia's apartment building.

He knew what he [i]should[/i] be feeling. Relieved, happy, even. He would finally get the answers he so desperately wanted. But now that he had found the building, he found that he was at a loss as to what to do next.

He looked down the street, once to the left, and once to the right. Seeing no one, he turned his attention back to the doors. He squinted at them, his brow furrowing as he considered what action to take next.

[i]Should I simply go in and find her apartment? No. Perhaps that would be too shocking for her.[/i] Cas sighed. Humans were so complicated. You never could predict what their reactions would be.

A small, light laugh cut through the silence of Cas' revelry. He turned his head quickly to the left, the direction the laugh had originated from, and came face to face with a smiling young woman. She laughed again, and then stepped forward, opening her arms wide and embracing Castiel in a large, warm hug.

Castiel felt his body stiffen at the woman's surprisingly friendly touch. He felt himself lean back reflexively. He wriggled his right arm free from her grasp, then his left. He placed a hand on each of her shoulders and pushed her back gently. He studied her face with confusion. Her grey eyes sparkled with merriment as they stared back at him. Cas cleared his throat.

"Do I know you?" His voice betrayed his intense confusion.

The woman shook her head good-naturedly, causing her short, dark hair to bounce in a lively fashion. She laughed again, causing Cas to feel still more confused.

"No, but I know you." She smiled broadly and poked her index finger into the center of his chest.

Cas frowned and brushed her finger away gently. He did not mean to be rude, but this strange woman was not making any sense.

"You're Castiel. I've been wanting to meet you for such a long time." She reached out and took his hand. She smiled up at him before giving his hand a small tug and walking off in the direction of the building's doors. "Well come on! We've got so much to discuss!"

Castiel barely had time to think. Stunned, he followed this oddly happy woman up the steps. Without letting go of his hand, she retrieved a key from the left-hand pocket of her jeans and slid it into the lock beneath the door's metal pull bar. With great skill, she twisted the key in the lock and pushed the door with her hip, guiding the door open and stepping through, pulling Castiel behind her.

The bright, white walls of the building's lobby passed Cas in a blur. His mind was spinning, a jumbled mass of confusion and wonder. The woman clung to his hand, walking quickly ahead of him and glancing over her shoulder every so often to give him a happy smile. She guided him to a set of large, metal doors and pushed a button that was attached to the wall. Cas watched as the button lit up with a [b]ding[/b]. He stood next to the woman, who was rocking back and forth on her heels and looking up at the bright lights mounted above the doors. Cas' eyes widened as he observed her and he took a small step to the right, attempting to wriggle his hand free from the woman's grip as he did.

She turned and winked at him, squeezing his hand tighter. As Cas opened his mouth to speak, the doors [b]dinged[/b] loudly, and the smooth metal slid open. She walked swiftly through the open doors, pulling Castiel reluctantly behind her. Once inside, she pressed one of the many buttons beside the door. As the doors slid closed, she finally released his hand. She turned to look at him, still smiling happily. Castiel took a step backward.

"I must seem really crazy to you, huh?" She leaned back against the wall as the room began to rumble quietly.

Cas thought for a moment, then nodded slowly.

"Yes. You seem very…" He cleared his throat. "… Crazy."

Her mouth formed a small "o" as she looked up at him. Cas looked down at the grey, carpeted floor, unsure of how she would react.

A snort broke the awkward silence between them, followed by a stream of small giggles. Cas looked up, surprised. The woman's face was a deep red, and her right hand was pulled over her mouth. Startled, Cas moved toward her, extending his hand and reaching out to touch her forehead. Her eyes widened and she removed her hand from her mouth, holding it up to stop him. He stopped and peered at her, worriedly.

"I'm n-n-not hurt." She gasped between breaths. "I-I-I'm t-trying n-n-n-not to la-a-a-a-augh."

Just as she finished her sentence, a [b]ding[/b] resonated throughout the room. Castiel looked up at the ceiling. She grabbed Cas' and once more, and pulled him through the doors as they slid open.

As he stepped out into the narrow hallway after her, Cas yanked his hand away quickly and stopped in the middle of the hall. The woman turned to face him, a puzzled look on her face. Cas squinted and furrowed his brow.

"I am not going any further with you until you explain to me who you are and where you are taking me." He glared at her, his confusion finally giving way to frustration.

She cocked her head, and gave a small sigh.

"I guess all of this [b]is[/b] really sudden and crazy." She turned and took a step down the hallway as she spoke. "But you have to understand. I've wanted to meet you for months. Ever since you first started popping up in my dreams. Ever since I started sending you the valentines…"

Cas felt his face soften, understanding flooding in and engulfing his mind. [i]Lydia.[/i] He hadn't found her at all. [i]She[/i] had found [i]him[/i].

"… And then, there you were. Right in front of my building. And I was just so excited, and I didn't want you to leave, because you looked like maybe you were thinking about leaving, and…"

"Lydia."

She turned on her heel and her eyes met his. She took a step closer, nodding her head eagerly.

"You are Lydia." Cas repeated slowly, trying each word on his tongue.

A wide, toothy smile caused her entire face to light up.

"Yes I'm Lydia!" She threw her arms around him again, her voice full of joy. Cas stood still and let her embrace him. "You have no idea how happy I am that you found me."

Cas was quiet for a moment. He looked up at the ceiling in the hallway, studying a large crack that ran lengthwise along it.

"I would like to know how you know about me." He spoke quietly, hoping that his words would not be misunderstood.

Lydia released him and stepped back, still smiling as she looked up at him. She reached out and took his hand once more. Cas thought for a moment. Then let his fingers twine into hers. He actually enjoyed the feeling, much to his surprise.

"C'mon, Cas." Lydia chuckled and turned around, leading him down the hallway. "I'll tell you everything."


	4. Sweet Love

Castiel sat quietly on Lydia's old, floral print couch. His hands were folded in his lap, and he looked curiously around her apartment's small living room. In the corner, atop a small, dark table, sat a small television. The coffee table in front of the couch was covered in stacks of books and sheets of notebook paper. Cas leaned forward and peered through the doorway into Lydia's very small, very green, kitchen.

Her back was to him, and she stood at the stove, attending to something on the burner. Cas looked back at the papers on the coffee table, leaning toward them slowly, trying to read the words without attracting any attention. He reached out to grasp a page that had [i]Angels of the Lord[/i] scrawled across the top in large, clear handwriting that he recognized as Lydia's. As he brought the paper toward himself, his elbow bumped a stack of rather large, heavy, leather bound books, and they toppled sideways, falling off the table and onto the floor with a loud [b]thud[/b]. Cas sat quietly, still grasping the paper, staring at the books with a bewildered look upon his face. He waited, listening for Lydia's footsteps.

"Cas, you okay?" He heard her voice call out from the other room, but try as he might, he could not find the words to answer her.

Her heard the [b]slap[/b] of her flat soled shoes on the kitchen's tile floor, then the [b]creak[/b] of a floorboard as she stepped through the doorway and into the living room. Cas turned to look up at her, an apologetic look on his face.

"I am… sorry." He looked back at the books on the floor for a moment, then turned back to Lydia. "I was curious as to what you were researching."

Lydia's mouth hung open for a moment, and a deep red blush spread over her cheeks. Her reaction confused Castiel. If this had happened around Sam and Dean, Cas knew that Dean would have been angry with him, and Sam would have cleaned up the mess. But Lydia was neither cleaning nor angry. In fact, she looked [i]embarrassed[/i]. Castiel looked at her quizzically for a moment. Then he turned back to the page he held in his hands.

"You are researching angels." He stated flatly, his eyes scanning the notes that Lydia had transcribed onto the page.

He heard her footsteps on the floor once more, but didn't look up. He felt a light weight settle on the couch cushion next to him, and suddenly Lydia's hand was on the page, grasping the corner and pulling it from his hands gently.

"I wanted to try to learn everything I could about you." Her voice was quiet as she placed the page back in its place on the table. "Ever since I started having the dreams. I wanted to learn about you so I would be prepared if I ever met you." Cas turned to face her and she smiled sheepishly. "I guess I kind of failed at that part though, huh?"

"I do not think you failed." Castiel answered, glancing back at the coffee table. "Maybe you did not contain your excitement well, but you found me. Does that not make your efforts a success?"

Lydia smiled a small smile and leaned forward to embrace Cas again. He readied himself, still unsure if he liked her embraces or not. Before she could get her arms around him, however, a loud [b]whistle[/b] rang out through the entire apartment. Cas looked around in confusion, unsure of how to react or where the whistle was coming from. Lydia laughed quietly and rose from the couch. As Cas watched her, she crossed the living room swiftly and re-entered the kitchen.

She made her way back to the stove and reached out. Cas heard a small [b]click[/b] and the whistling's pitch lowered, then stopped altogether. Lydia bustled about the kitchen, opening cupboards and retrieving cups, spoons, and a strange small, rectangular box. Cas furrowed his brow as he tried to understand what she was doing.

She made a final trip back to the stove, then returned through the doorway, carrying two cups with handles attached. The spoons had found their way into the cups, and the strange box was nowhere to be found. She crossed in front of the coffee table and made her way back to the couch, settling herself back down next to Cas. She handed him one of the cups. It was green and had a small chip on the edge. Cas took it slowly and brought it close to his face. There was a strange, paper bag floating somewhere near the bottom, and the mirky water gave off an earthy scent. He looked up at Lydia questioningly.

"Am I to drink this?" He moved the cup in her direction as he asked the question, as if he wanted to be sure that she knew what he was talking about.

Lydia smiled and blew at the surface of the liquid in her cup before taking a small sip.

"Yes, silly. It's tea." She replied with a smile. Cas stared warily at the strange liquid, still unsure. "Won't you try it?"

Cas considered her question for a moment. He looked up into his face, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"I will try your tea. If you will tell me about these 'dreams' you spoke of."

Lydia bit her lip and chuckled quietly. Cas raised an eyebrow. He was not sure what it was about himself that Lydia found so amusing.

Lydia shook her head and placed her cup atop one of the books had been untouched by Cas' elbow. She pulled her legs beneath her Indian style and leaned toward Cas.

"Alright, I'll tell you.

"About two months ago, I started having these dreams. They weren't really… Detailed, at first. Just a voice. And, at first, I couldn't understand what they were saying. But slowly, over time, they grew stronger. I began to hear complete sentences in them. It said things like:

"[i]You are chosen, Lydia.

You have a gift.

A gift from God.[/i]

"At first, I thought I was going crazy." Lydia paused and laughed. A sad, quiet laugh.

Castiel found that he could not help himself. He reached out and placed a hand on Lydia's shoulder. She smiled up at him and cleared her throat before continuing.

"I thought I was losing my mind. But the dreams bean to get more and more real. I began to see events from my life. And the events would happen. The very next day.

"It wasn't long after that that I started dreaming about you, Castiel." She looked deep into his eyes before blushing and looking away.

"And what did you dream, about me?" Cas asked quietly, caught up in the wonder of her story.

She opened her mouth to answer, but no words came out. Cas waited patiently for her to find her voice.

"I dreamt about wonderful things. And painful things. I saw you as you were in Heaven. And I felt your pain when you were punished." Her eyes were still averted, staring off at the rug beneath the coffee table. "And through it all, I felt a kinship with you. A bond." Finally, her eyes met his.

"I fell in love with you, Castiel."

Cas inhaled sharply. Although she had written [i]I love you[/i] to him many times, it had never struck him that she actually felt that way. Until her words had entered his ears. But there was something even stranger than that revelation stirring inside Castiel. He could not quite put words, or even thoughts to what it was.

Lydia sighed and brought his full attention back to their conversations.

"And, after you… fell in love with me?" Castiel leaned a bit closer, his eagerness to learn more beginning to show.

"That was when I started writing you the notes." Lydia smiled up at him, and reached across to straighten the collar of his coat.

"How did you know where to find me?"

Lydia's face turned serious, and she straightened up.

"I didn't." She stated flatly. "The voice told me what to put on the front. How to fold the paper.

It told me to write anything, [i]everything[/i] that I wanted to say to you on a piece of paper. Then to fold it in fourths and write your name, [i]Castiel[/i], across the face. All I had to do was leave it on my doormat every night and you would get it in the morning."

Castiel leaned back for a moment and studied her. He could clearly see that she was telling the truth. And what reason did she have to lie? He had received her numerous letters. Cas did not have an explanation for [i]why[/i] this had happened, but, somewhere deep inside, he was glad that it had.

Somewhere, deep inside, a small part of him felt attached to Lydia.

[i]Felt love for her.[/i]

He smiled an understanding smile and looked deep into her eyes. What stared back at him, was the purest, most unadulterated joy he had ever seen.

"Well, I am glad that you saw me.

And I am glad that you found me."

This time, it was Castiel who reached out and took Lydia's hand.

It was Castiel who leaned forward and looked into Lydia's eyes.

And it was Castiel who took that greatest of chances, and pressed his lips to Lydia's.

[i] Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you.[/i]


End file.
